Second Star to the right

Professional Weirdo. Future Senator. Democrat. Hella Gay. 18. Pittsburgh, PA.

October 21, 2014 - 12:01 PM

Hello my love, 

I wish I had a way of knowing if you see these. 

Im going to continue to write these, even if you don’t. Because even if you don’t see these now, I know there will come a day when you do, and Ill be so grateful that I wrote to you. 

There are some days when I miss you more than others. Today is one of those days. I just can’t seem to get my emotions together, and I’ve been crying all morning. It is so tough, but you are so worth it. If you do read these, I don’t want you to feel bad about me being upset. Instead be comforted by it - as weird as that sounds. — I guess it shows I still care immensely. And I hope you do too. I know you do. I really do. And I hope more than anything, that throughout the next 2 years that you won’t fall any less in love with me. I can’t even bear the thought. It truly wrecks me. 
You’d be so upset if I told you that, and I know you’d fight me on it until I believed you just like everything else in the world. You loved me since day 1. And you did anything you could to prove that to me when I was in denial, and worried that you’d just leave. yet you proved to me over and over again that I was wrong, and that there was no use in me worrying. Yet, this still worries me because it is far from now, and your life will change so much throughout the next few years — but please please please don’t forget me. Please. Im not going anywhere, and I wish on every star at night that you won’t forget about me either. I love you more than the world. You’re all that I  want for the rest of my life. Anything is possible with you by my side. I love you so so so so much baby girl. To pluto and back for ever and ever and ever and ever. I promise. I love you. 

October 20, 2014 — 9:45 AM

hello my love. 

I wish there were words to describe how Im feeling right now. I guess the best way to put it, is that I feel lonely, yet complete. Lonely because I can’t talk to you, yet complete because I truly believe you aren’t going anywhere. 

This past week while I was home really made me re-evaluate a lot of thing. Everyone who I told our story to - like my old teachers - they would ask, “Are you sure this girl is worth all of this trouble?” — It was honestly kind of offensive. My response was ” I know she’s worth all of this trouble. She’s worth everything.” and thats the truth. A lot of people would also say, “You know, in 3 years, she won’t care anymore. She’s only 15 and is still trying to find herself”. I really had to think about that.It sounded like a bunch of bullshit to be honest. I don’t know if its just that I want believe you will still care, or if I really believe you will care. - I really had to think that over. and this is my conclusion: 

"Will she still care in 3 years?" - Maybe. Hopefully. Probably. Yes. 
Obviously I don’t have a definitive answer. But then I asked myself, “Will you still care in 3 years?” - it felt silly even asking myself that. Because of course I will. Not a single doubt in my mind. 
I was thinking possibly people were telling you the same thing. “She won’t care in 3 years.” and Im hoping that if they do, you know thats not the truth. And then I got to thinking, you were probably thinking to yourself if you thought you’d still care in three years, and Im sure your answer was the same as mine, "Of course". As we always said, we dont measure our love for each other based off of time. We base it off of what we feel. What we know. 
And I know I love you. 

If you’re worried that since Im in college, that for some reason Ill “find someone” or something stupid like that, then you’re wrong. You’ve had my heart since day one, and you will have it for eternity. Being in college doesn’t change a thing. You are, and always will be my everything. Like we always said, - we could be homeless, but as long as we had each other, we didn’t need anything else in the world. — Nothing could be more true. 
Knowing that I have you, and that I will have you for the rest of my life, is the most comforting feeling ever. 

I love you so much more than you could ever know, and I hope more than anything that you see these. I love you to pluto and back, and I love you more than the world. 2 years and 11 months doesn’t seem so bad when you’re waiting for your soulmate. 

10/19/14 

I miss you so much baby girl. I hope you are able to see this. You are so beautiful. While I was home I developed more of our pictures, and I put one of my favorites in a frame, so I have it next to me every night when i fall asleep. 

I wish I was there with you, every time you feel lonely. If you ever do feel lonely, think of me. Because even though Im not physically there with you, I am there. My heart is with you always. Thoughts of you consume my mind constantly — I wouldn’t want it other wise.  Whenever I feel sad, or I miss you a lot a lot a lot, I read one of my favorite texts from you. You say, “You are my biggest and brightest dream, baby girl.” — You are mine too. 

I hope you aren’t afraid that I’ll leave. I’ve promised you since day 1, that Im not going anywhere. And I won’t be until the day we die. 

It is my hope that I cross your mind, and that you won’t leave me either. It is my hope that you still love me “more than the world” or “to pluto and back”. — But I know you do. 
I hope you are okay, and that if you see these, that it makes you just that much happier. 

I love you more than the world. To pluto and back. Always my love. 

Loyalty isn’t grey. It’s black and white. You’re either loyal completely, or not loyal at all. And people have to understand this. You can’t be loyal only when it serves you.

—Sharnay (via downwiththedown)

(Source: pimp-decisions, via distraughtyouth)

I miss you my baby girl.

Whenever I look at my tattoo of our song on my back i think of you. 
Yet, again - Im always thinking about you. 

I’ll be able to see you faster than we know. 

I love you so much baby girl. To pluto and back.

Monday 10/13/14

I miss you so much baby girl. Im sorry I haven’t been writing as much but Ive been dealing with a really high fever the past few days, and I finally came home and went to the hospital and got bloodwork done - but I’m at home for the next few days resting. I wish you were here so much. I keep telling my mom stories about KY - we all love you here baby. I can’t wait for you to be able to call this family yours. Actually -  I hope you know it already your family. Like I said, we all love you.  
I hope you are doing well beautiful. Stay golden my love. 

I love you to pluto and back beautiful. More than the world. 

The 11th - October

A very very very happy 2 months my beautiful angel. I miss you more than the world, and I love you so very much. I know we will last through all of this, and that gives me the strength to get up out of bed every morning and wear a smile on my face. And even though there are times when this all is so tough because I’m missing you so much, I think of your smiling face and the way you’d kiss my hand and kiss my cheek, and give me that smile that  i love, and all of the pain seems to flood away. I have this tattoo on the back of my should forever. I have you forever. And I honestly couldn’t ask for anything more. You are so beautiful baby girl.

I love you so much. To pluto and back. More than the world. 

Sometimes at night I suddenly become aware of all the things I’m missing out on right now, and all the people who I’m not close to anymore, and all of the good times that will never happen again, and all the people who meant the world to me who have forgotten about me forever, and I get this awful feeling that’s kind of like a mix between loneliness and nostalgia.

(Source: lunafur, via mcgorts)

Thursday night entry -

(8:34 PM) - I’m pretty sure I’m dying. Actually- I’m doing a lot better than I was yesterday. Thankfully my fever went down, and my head ache went away, and I can finally open my left eye! On a side note, I miss her dearly. It’s been over a month since I’ve seen her, and Saturday will be 2 months that we’ve been together.
Every single day.
Every single second.
I am that much closer to seeing her. And I want nothing more than for her to be with me, here as I’m shaking at 4AM with a high fever, or to wipe my tears away when all I want to do is go home and be in my own bed. Yet, if she was here- I’d be at home. It’s tough. So tough.

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